This week's show couldn't be less correctly titled. Almost all of these couples have little to no money (the big exception being maybe Justin and Evelin, but that isn't clear one way or another), and many many problems. I would love to know what they get out of the show. I assume there is compensation of some sort or the other. Or maybe TLC just knows a guy in the immigration office and their visas get fast tracked? I'd previously assumed that TLC paid for everyone to come over, but then there was the whole thing about Danielle spending her last money bringing Mohammed over, so now I just don't have any guesses on how this works. Any thoughts out there?
Curiously missing from this episode are Daya and Brett. I say this because someone with roommates, a fiancée and a child all living in one house probably has their fair share of money issues going on, as well. Looks like we'll have some fun drama from them next week, but I sorely missed Daya, her bad attitude and her unrealistic expectations of children.
Danielle and Mohammed
In case it needs to be stated, Mohammed is not into Danielle for her money. He knew coming into this that she had a brood of children to support, and since he met her and saw her clothes before coming to America, I don't think he was under any false impressions of riches. If Mohammed isn't in this for love (and I still don't think he is), he was also never in it for money. Sadly for Mohammed, Danielle has deeper financial woes than she was honest about. We are treated to more wedding planning from these two. It seems like they have a bunch of wedding planning meetings, and then don't actually plan anything. We get to meeting Danielle's sister for the first time, who thinks this is a terrible idea and seems genuinely worried about her sister's basic survival.
Then they talk about the budget, and Danielle tells us that she is planning to spend more on her wedding dress than on food at her reception. (Please pour one out for these wedding guests, as the spectacle alone isn't going to be worth it. Danielle, I truly believed you were better than this.) Her sister makes it clear that Danielle doesn't have ANY money, for the dress or for food, and sets up a specific dinner to confront her about it. Then we learn that Danielle's cell phone service has been cut off. And it turns out Mohammed didn't know about any of these issues. It sounds like there are a decent number of services that are in danger of being cut off for their household, and Mohammed is justifiably upset that he left everything to come over to another country completely in the dark. Who would want to come to a new country to work off someone else's debt while sleeping on their couch?! The sister even says it sounds like Mohammed might need to get three or four jobs to work everything off. Mohammed speaks about this VERY reasonably and honestly, it's really sweet, but I can't help but worrying that he will become an indentured servant. It sounds like if he is in this for a green card, then he needs to talk Danielle out of the wedding so she can pay the fee that goes along with the application instead.
Shelf Life: can of dented Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup (lasts a long time, but is it actually still good?)
Cassia and Jason
The episode begins with Jason taking Cassia to "check out the action in Spring Hill, FL." They happen upon a Brazilian bikini store, where Cassia finds a super hot bikini, and Jason seems genuinely concerned that her hotness will give one of the elderly residents a heart attack. Then Cassia and the store clerk force Jason to try on a small man swimsuit, which he obviously feels uncomfortable in. Cassia critiques Jason's bod in the man-kini. Not cool, Cassia!
Later, Jason and his dad, who we learn are not only hoarders - they also sell their garbage online, are going to an estate sale. Cassia doesn't like that Jason works for 2 hours in a day. She DOES like eyeliner, though (I still find her appearance very distracting). Somehow, she ends up looking through a GIANT stack of old magazines and finds a nudie. She gets really pissed, and goes snooping through the whole house. To be fair, I'd probably do this regardless of if I saw a naked magazine, just out of curiosity. While she is confronting Jason about this, he says he is going to sell them online, and "don't bend it; that's worth $10." Bad thing to say to your fiancée who has an issue with nude magazines. I was on his side until I heard him talk, then I agreed with Cassia. Next week he is going to propose in an aquarium, it seems, and I sort of hope she says no and ends this charade so we can see more of Brett and Daya.
Shelf Life: milk that you left in the fridge while you went on vacation
Amy and Danny
After almost 30 days with Amy in America, Danny has finally realized they haven't been alone together yet. They go ice skating, which was my favorite date when I was their age. They both wear denim tops, which I was not and remain not into. It's cute, but apparently really hard for them to remain abstinent while they ice skate. They go back to Amy's place (AKA Danny's brother Nick's place) to watch a movie. Can we talk for a second about where Danny lives? Why don't they ever go there? Do they literally have to be at the brother's house so they won't have sex? As I'm thinking this, Nick comes in, interrupts their movie. Sits between them and does a virginity check. He, too, wants to be sure there was no sex while ice skating. It is even more uncomfortable than it sounds, and Amy looks disgusted.
Later, to make her even more wary of marrying into this family, Danny sits her down to explain that she'll get to meet his parents two days before the wedding. Also about his racist dad. It isn't clear if this is the first time they discuss this or if this conversation is for the camera. Danny says his dad's opinion doesn't change anything, and Amy obviously feels really sad that something so horrible and stupid could prevent her from being accepted by Danny's father.
Shelf Life: Twinkies (I know. I am a sap, but I can't help it! Even though I think Amy should run as fast as she can away from this family.)
Chelsea and Yamir
We join Chelsea and Yamir in an antique shop where they go looking for wedding bands. Since they have no money, this seems like a really prudent choice. Then it turns out that Chelsea has being dreaming of getting a vintage ring, and she didn't discuss this with Yamir in advance. Because of COURSE. If they had, they wouldn't be on this show. Yamir, since he has the taste of a pop star, (But not the money? What is this about?) wants a new ring instead. Frankly, men's rings are only as expensive as you want them to be, so this probably doesn't matter, and I think they spend too much time on it. Give us Daya and Brett instead!
Later, there is trouble in boy band paradise: Yamir finds out his band had a concert without him. He and Chelsea are SHOCKED! This makes zero sense, since he seemed to have left on really bad terms. Gabriel basically accused Chelsea of being a Yoko, and they know Yamir can't go back to Nicaragua until he has his green card, which can take a pretty long time for everything to go through. If they didn't have a clear plan before leaving, why would Chelsea and Yamir think this was on hold? Also, if they were so successful, why doesn't Yamir have any money? Maybe this is for the best. Flying back and forth to be in a band that doesn't make money seems like a waste of resources.
Shelf Life: GO-gurt
Evelin and Justin
We join Evelin and Justin out to lunch with his mom, who is trying to explain why everyone was so shocked at the pool party. She explains that Justin is an idiot. Evelin tries to deal with her idiot fiancé, and win over the mom. She succeeds, because of course, she is super genuine and nice. Justin's mom starts to cry and begs Justin to talk to his brother, Jake, who wants an explanation. The two guys go do sports bonding to work it out. Justin, we found out, not only didn't tell his family about Evelin, he also didn't respond to his brother's calls and texts after the introduction. What a fool. Who WOULDN'T be pissed in this situation? His bro is totally hurt that he kept this girl a secret. He is so full of common sense, and we have to assume that Justin was dropped on his head as an infant. Justin invites his brother and sister-in-law to dinner, "We can give you a taste of Colombian flavor," which I assume just means he will make Evelin cook and do dishes after. Please Evelin, don't do this!
Shelf Life: Bread and butter pickles (bad to begin with)
Coming up next week...
Coming up next week...
Amy goes dress shopping with her charming mom.
Daya gets locked out of the house by a small child, leaving her alone with her flawed diamond.
Justin tells his brother, still hurt from being excluded from his life, that family isn't invited to the wedding.
*False.
Danielle is straight up bonkers.
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