After blowing up my friends' Facebook newsfeeds for the past year with my musings on terrible TV programming*, I decided it was about time I took this to a blog so I could fully explore my own personal reality TV philosophy. What better show to begin with than 90 Day Fiancé? Season two just got started, and since I didn't get this idea until episode three, below you'll find a primer to catch you up on what you've missed thus far. (And I DO mean missed. If this is On Demand, it comes highly recommended by yours truly!)
The premise: If you fall in love with someone from a different country, to get married in the USA your fiancé comes over on a K-1 visa. This gives you 90 days in the states to get legally married or your betrothed gets the boot. Obviously, three months isn't a huge amount of time to adjust to a new culture, or to plan a wedding (although, it is PLENTY of time to go to the courthouse, but somehow that never comes up in this show). We'll follow six couples and their first 90 days together. Drama abounds, as well as tears. If we're lucky, a lot of "(s)he's just in it for a Green Card"-accusing relatives will keep things interesting.
The couples:
Daya and Brett
Brett and Daya met online, while Brett was specifically looking for a Filippina woman. Brett is a friendly, divorced dad who lives in Snohomish, Washington. He has two middle-aged, kindly lesbian roommates. His ex-wife has primary custody of their daughter, but she comes to live with him every summer. All of his friends appear to be chatty ladies who are twice his age, and who think he is crazy for bringing his internet girlfriend to the States. Daya is from San Carlos City, Philippines. She doesn't like mixed floral bouquets, and she doesn't believe that her engagement ring is actually a real diamond. (She made him take her to the jeweler to prove it.) They have just brought back Brett's daughter for the summer, and they're all living together in the same bedroom.
Chelsea and Yamir
Chelsea and Yamir met while Chelsea was living in Nicaragua. Yamir is in the most famous Nicaraguan boy band (I have no idea how many there are in his country, but so far, his family doesn't seem to live in a pimped out house from the profits. So think closer to O-Town than One Direction.) Chelsea is from Galesburg, Illinois, where she is planning to bring Yamir home to her parents' house. Yamir barely speaks English, and so far we've mostly just seen him at band events, where his manager keeps telling Chelsea it's unfair to bring him to a small town in the Midwest, especially since he speaks no English. He isn't wrong. Chelsea just wants to be able to live somewhere where she can take a hot shower. She cries a lot. They have just said goodbye to Yamir's family and are about to get to America.
Danielle and Mohammed
Danielle and Mohammed, like Brett and Daya, met online. I have left out the ages of everyone else, but Danielle, 41, is a mom of at least four children, three of whom are her teenage daughters who live with Danielle in their small apartment in Norwalk, Ohio. They do not appear to have a car, even though this looks like a normal Midwestern town where you need a car. I can't tell if Danielle has a job. Mohamed is 26 and is from Tunisia. He seems perfectly nice, but I can't help but worry he is going to hook up with one of Danielle's daughters every time we see them. Danielle cries semi-constantly. She spent her last dollars visiting Mohamed in Tunisia and then flying him over. There is a large age and attractiveness gap between this couple. The entire first episode led us to believe that Mohamed didn't get on his connecting flight out of New York. Everyone thinks Danielle is going to get taken for a ride by Mohamed. Personally, I think they'll be married until he has his Green Card, if he can find anything to eat in Norwalk, OH (spoiler alert: he probably can't). This is the couple we're watching for. Normally, I'd be rooting for Danielle to find love and not get ripped off, but she is such a basket case, I'm more concerned her daughters come out of this relatively unscathed.
Cassia and Jason
Jason and Cassia met on Facebook when Cassia was dating one of Jason's friends, who was also in the military. They met in person when he went to visit her in Brazil. We haven't seen Cassia on camera really, and all we know is that she is prone to temper tantrums resembling those I threw when I was six. Jason lives with his father in their hoarders' paradise home in central Florida. Jason is going to fly to Brazil to pick up Cassia, who has threatened not to meet him there at all. She is described in a lot of different ways, that all equate to hot and volatile. Jason's dad thinks this is going to be a disaster, even though he's trying to be optimistic for his son. Stay tuned, I'm sure we have another airport suspense episode (a la Danielle weeping at the baggage claim) in our near future.
Evelin and Justin
Evelin and Justin met in Colombia when Justin travelled there for the rugby World Cup in 2011. His friends say that he was a womanizer, but since they met, Justin travelled to Colombia multiple times to visit Evelin. What he didn't do: tell anyone he was dating her. So Evelin arrives in California and finds out she is one big surprise. Her first real day in the States is spent doing Justin's dishes and meeting a friend who described Justin as "Hugh Hefner, Jr." I can only hope that Evelin really is just in this for a Green Card, because otherwise I'm worried about her self esteem. When Justin finally introduces her to his family, they are pretty nice, until he tells them all that this lady they haven't ever met is his fiancé. Cue the judgment. But you can hardly blame them--who keeps their girlfriend secret for years?
Amy and Danny
Amy and Danny met in Australia, while they were both studying abroad at Bible college. Before their time there was up, Danny proposed to Amy. They both are essentially fetuses, and you just keep hoping that things can work out for them. Danny is Mormon, and follows the 10 Commandments of Reality Television by making sure that we all know they are both virgins who have to wait until they are married to have sex. Like his 90 Day Fiancé Mormon ancestors before him, Danny and Amy do not move in together. Amy arrives from South Africa (she's from Cape Town), is brought to Danny's brother's house in middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania. Neither of them seemed to realize that they will barely see each other. She sees more of his siblings than Danny her first day in town, and his brother once again makes it awkwardly clear that sex is not ok. What we haven't seen yet is Danny's racist dad. He is against inter-racial couples, so they have even more hurdles to get over than I can even contemplate.
Watch the show, and join me here for recaps! Each week, I'll be grading the couples' likelihood of making it past the 72-day mark of marriage. That all-important benchmark of American marriages made famous by Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.
*Note: Facebook friends, this is no guarantee that I won't continue to blow up your newsfeeds with inane thoughts.
No comments:
Post a Comment